Little message for my shagua

To my dearest da sha gua, On the 21 of September 2011, u have been officially forgiven by your dearest boy for being a da ben dan. On this very day, i hope all stupid and unhappy thoughts of yours get eaten away by the stupified monster. By the next hour, all the bad and unhappy things should be gone from your head and never to come back. By the next minute, you should be thinking of how to smile more and forget all unhappy things in life and not let minor things affect you. By the next second, you should be smiling like a kuku and thinking of happy things and letting minor things go By the next moment, you should be always smiling and smiling and smiling and throwing away all minor worthless thoughts By the next time i see you, i want us to go back to 161108 to experience the love we had and stay there forever.. I miss you too... From Dearest Da ben dan

Did you know how many times i got so pissed off when you did not reply my message especially when we know we are going to meet each other ?
Did you know that sorry is a word which i hated alot?
Did you know if you did not do it in the first place you wont have to say sorry?
Did you know a broken mirror no matter how you piece it back it will still be cracked?
Did you know how much time i spend waiting for your reply everytime i wanted a reply badly??
Did you know how many times i got scolded by my parents when i did not get things planned properly?
Did you know how many times my parents got pissed off at me cause you wanted to see me when i was supposed to go out with them?
Did you know how much i feel like dying when i see you cry everytime?
Did you know how much i wanted to keep you safe and happy?
Did you know that i failed badly everytime?
Did you know that i wanted to hug you badly everytime i miss you?
Did you know?
Do you know. . .

Why does it hurt so bad again. Why does it have to happen everytime. My heart is in a mess now. I wanted to go, but somehow something is stopping me from going..

Shits have to happen all the time. I really want to know whats the root of the problem. I'm already at my bottle neck. Too much. Really just too much stuffs. When will it stop and give me peace. I just want to lead a simple life. A simple peaceful life. That is all i wanted. Its hard. Its impossible. Life will always be like that. Full of shits and many more things. Problems are generated by the brain. Feeling what is right is judge by your heart. Saying sorry is not everything. It makes things worst. Makes you feels weaker. And why bother to do the things you know you will end up saying sorry. Happens almost everyday. And i'm holding on. For the sake of you.

Is this just another obstacle we have to go through?
Is this just another test for us to take?
I have totally no idea. I just wanted to keep you happy.
I have tried my best to do everything that you wanted me to do.
But most of the time you just are not satisfied.
I did everything i can. I tried everything that i can.
Army.. Parent.. Friends.. Stress.. Sadness..
Everything is piling up bad on me.
I don't know what have I done in my previous life that i have to go through this now.
Suddenly i just feel like i just hate everything.
Everything in my life has just gone like that and there is no purpose in life.
This feeling..
Tell me what can i do to keep your happy.
Tell me what can i do to keep your smile up always.
Tell me what should i do to not make you upset.
Its like a chain effect. When you are unhappy, I get unhappy too.
And when i get unhappy you get even more unhappy.
I really love you a lot.
I will do almost anything for you.
I just want to be with you . Together with you.
Hugging you telling you everything will be ok.
Cause i am with you.
I want to be your pillar of support and someone who you can cuddle to when you are upset.
But i think i haven really achieve any of this.
I feel like a useless one big ass person now.
Words are useless. Its what you do that counts.
I can say a thousand i love you but if in my heart, i dont mean it, its just words.
Compared to a thousand i love you and 1 warm tight hug.
It means alot of difference to me.
You can tell me that you miss me and love me every single day.
But really just one hug and nothing else would tell me everything..
I dont want any of this to happen.
I dont want to repeat any mistakes that i have made before.
I dont want you to be upset.
I dont want you to feel alone.
I dont want you to feel that you are being pushed away.
All i want is your smile that is on your face.
It means a lot to me.
Your laughter, your smile, your warm hug is enough to make my day.
I dont want to regret anything that i have done.
And i dont want you to regret anything that you have done either.
I know i have said so much but i guess only a bit of it would get into you.
But i know i still have to say it anyway.
Old habit die hard. Its hard to change i know.
If i can change, why cant you..
Some decisions would not require any thinking.
Cause in your heart you would have the answer.
Not everything can be bought by money
Money is something that is materialistic.
Things that you can touch and feel is materialistic.
I am materialistic too.
Happiness, sadness, feelings, love, time.
These are the things that cant be bought buy money.
You can earn 1 million dollars in one day.
But you lost something more valuable than 1 million.
I can say straight from my heart.
Its not worth it.
I can just get knock down by a car tomorrow.
Or die in some accident.
Who knows.
I feel.
I wonder.
I love.
And i cherish..

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone
Even if they don't like you
Everyone someone thinks about you before they sleep
You mean the world to someone
Without you someone may not be living
You are special and unique in your own way
When you make the biggest mistake ever
Something good comes out from it
When you think the world has turnsed it back on you
Take a look..
You most likely turned your back on the world
When u think you have no chance at getting what you want
You probably wun get it but..
If you believe in yourself
You will probably sooner or later get it
Always remember complements you received
Forget about the rude remarks
Alway tell someone how you feel
Then they will know..
Take time to let people know that they are great
Remember this in your heart always..

Till the end,
I will be with you,
We will go where our dreams come through,
All the time that we have been through,
You will always be my dear Evangeline.
I love you..
.wm

Do you know how worry i get when you dont reply my msg?
Do you know that sorry doesn't help at all sometimes??
Do you know why??
What if one day I'm gone for good do you think all the sorry would help?
I would tell u straight.
Sorry wont help at all.
In the end there will only be regrets.
Please. Dont do the things that you eventually know you would say sorry.

Is maple more important than your life?
What i see now is . .
Maple > Your life > Me > Rest of the things .
Me > Maple
Only after you have realized it.
But it only last a while . .
I dont mind if maple is more important than me . .
But i do mind when maple is more important than your life . .